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waldgaenger @ 2008 - 11-25T20: 59:00

order to make themselves truly comprehensive a picture of Spencer, I just do not get past the literature on Spengler. With the end of the book "Oswald Spengler" by Frank Lission the first step is done. Especially since I just by this book to other secondary sources have become aware. Unfortunately I had to search a brief notice that most of the specified works is no longer available, nor in the foreseeable future, new editions are published. (Explicit works by Koktanek) Similarly, the writings of Spengler himself, as so aptly remarked Frank Wesson and equal mitliefert an explanation:

"For a perhaps not insignificant reason other than the demise of the West has long no writings Spengler's more to be laid, is certainly contemptuous of those radical train of his texts, the reading for some today, in times of gentle disposition prescribed harmony, as "dangerous" or at least as a "highly politically problematic "can appear." (page 131)

But at least on this point has in the past 3 years, in part, been a great change and my small collection of books is now next to the " destruction of the West "by new editions of" The People and Technology "and" Years of Decision enriched. " However, it is me so far not succeeded to the last two books, a small review to write - so I should catch up soon as possible. Unfortunately, I must admit that I have Spengler's famous work still not read. I myself do not know what keeps me from probably fail to fear about the quality and quantity of the work.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-11-17T21: 47:00

This situation is a certain irony. After I respond with a certain intellectual defensive reaction to my environment, I recently had to find a doctor visit that is also more physical allergies have developed with me. Obviously my body does not really cope with its environment. Although I have been around for several months if not years have guessed, I avoided seeing a doctor. I can not say whether the confirmation of a disease I've gone out of the way or if I wanted to just let the disease run its course. In the end, it would have only limited my quality of life and it would have been worse after a while something, but now I have the certainty and must be completed with a further blemish. Actually, it is only a trifle, yet this idea is spreading from the head. How can we survive in this world if you put in such a weak and sick body?
resources I would need much else, I must now devote to this problem finished zuwerden. Drug treatment also leaves the unpleasant aftertaste, a "slave of the pharmaceutical industry" to be. A dependency that I would have rather saved, was created.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-09-30T14: 43:00

The book "I envy anyone who lives - The records>> Ice heauton have \u0026lt;\u0026lt;from the estate "by Oswald Spengler, I discovered quite by chance and read. It may sound a bit too exaggerated but sometimes I could see familiar ideas in what is read. These are fragments of 145, in which Spengler wrote down several thoughts and feelings and were published only posthumously. This gives an insight into his thoughts, which are very personal and may be published never should have, at least not in this form. After reading this book, in the Spengler his self-hatred and its uncertainties shows, on the other side certainly recognized his qualities as a thinker and it also derives a certain sense of superiority over other people, I'm even more excited to see what I find in his works am. Maybe I started to read incorrectly and would first have to read the books written by him and only after the personal, not intended for publication, reading records. It's too late to worry about even the head, but maybe I should adjust my reading habits really more of an overall plan.

A Gilbert Merlio in the epilogue (p. 111) postulated theory has drawn to my attention, and requires close consideration: "However, the question arises whether the something outward display of self-contempt, not somehow as a means of self-serving survey. Here, the case comes before pride. The violation unit is a sign of refinement. Being a stranger is a different and ultimately being better. "

Would not try his self-contempt, to direct the sense of violation and awareness of being a foreigner in a positive and constructive channels, the self-destruction would be inexorably closer. The explanation to carry negative feelings in themselves or even to invent, use only the self-charging attacks, probably a bit too short. The more pronounced these feelings are, the harder it is for a deal with his life and his environment. A speculative counter-concept in which one tries to process its difference is positive, result in a feeling of superiority. However, there remain doubts deep inside and the feeling of superiority seems merely to compensate. Perhaps this balance can eventually tilt in the direction of megalomania, but even then there remains a residual sense of uncertainty.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-07-31T20: 24:00

The books pile up on my desk, but I lack the strength to read it or at least to read the time that I set myself. Again and again, I must say that I rarely manage to formulate concrete ideas to read the books. Whereas there is some thought there are, but it often fails due to the minutes. Maybe I've long ago with the meaningless garbage that you infect days after day has to consume, and have thereby become dull and sluggish mentally. The stay among men is associated with nausea and disgust, which I have no words to describe this feeling. The need to achieve not only a spiritual loner existence, but this act out on the social level and fall back to the complete isolation, is growing. to exist, the idea just really, if kept away from other people, take a large space in my head. The desperate Looking for a kind of peace that there are now not likely. If the outward calm enough to find an inner peace? Probably not, but life would thereby be more bearable. These thoughts are very dependent on my current mood, but they take a place in my thoughts and keep cropping up. The change in mood or displacement by natural and unnatural resources would probably also mean that these thoughts disappear. I am powerless against the former, because I am my environment comes largely, but I oppose the Second strictly off because of my inner conviction.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-05 - 18T22: 44:00

The book "The Other Side" by Alfred Kubin's more than just a 100 year old novel. I am racking my head to what I should consider the larger context of this book.
The unit delivered and powerlessness of the individual against the social order? Even if one person in the book, apparently is the determining authority, we can draw parallels to the current time. The mystical forced to make certain actions as portrayed in the book could be, interpreted as an essential use of the public authorities. The bureaucratic institutions, which extend as a power tool in each house to be in the book to a invisible all overshadowing power.
I know this alone is the final sentence of the book purports, "The Demiurge is a hybrid." Towards a different interpretation, however, the above associations have personally come to me while reading the book first to mind. Moreover, it seems as if the book the "evil" will prevail and apart from the proclamation of a "good" fantasy state, remains of the "good" not much left. While there are obvious opponent, but you can neither one nor the other really assign a good side. The bad outweighs fit and thus to the approaching and slowly executive In response, which spreads over almost the entire second half of the book.

Especially in a work that is highly expressionistic, should have I hit probably the varied interpretations more intellectual capital. Perhaps the time is not ripe or the mind is already so jaded, so that even extraordinary things are not able to stimulate him.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-05-12T22: 55:00

How should it go anyway? I must admit to a lack of orientation in life, when I compare myself with other people. With me the goals that these people largely strive not appeal at all. Just when you turn away from targets that have proclaimed universal validity, they will get in a certain environment problems. Even if the question is purely hypothetical, but what would become of me if I had grown up in an environment that would have brought more acceptance towards me and not constantly trying to change? The variations of this mind game are endless, starting with a different social environment, possibly to another country or even another time. Maybe I am referring to large units and it would meet a single decision in my life for the whole another direction to give. It reflects on the unchangeable and is committing an error because it can no longer change. By tens of thousands of decisions and whether they were still so small and unimportant, is to become what it is today.
I can of mine called the "ancestral factor" probably not ignore. Different parts of previous generations beings live on in me and have shaped me, without which I'm really conscious about it. Direct and bequeathed environment affect me, but I'm more than just a product of my environment. With this expression of will I take full responsibility for past and future decisions on me and at the same time displacing the external.

Do I have to compare at all with other people or is not is a completely pointless and time-consuming activity?

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waldgaenger @ 2008-05-03T21: 40:00

The company formally requested out with their pressure to conform to strike back. It is a reaction, not an action. The individual has the power to decide how the answer he gives the company looks like and what resources it uses for it. Some fight back actively, others passively, but bear most of it easily without breaking above his head. Resignation as the first step on the way to adapt. Dear
think can be alone and, to drive than in the mass and drown in foreign thoughts. You have to take the risk alone may produce thoughts with a low intellect, just as the play, which has been awarded the social status of an intelligent way of thinking.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-04-30T20: 30:00

Why is a not succeed, the idea of the mess we have in his mind to write down? Even with the mental preparation will take place on record a selection, and fleeting thoughts often disappear again in the big ball of thoughts. Therefore, the text often seems so one-dimensional and arranged in a certain way and bland, it's just an impossible chaos of thoughts even close to put in writing.

Every thought is thought to be worth it. - I do not know if I should dare to actually take up the argument, that every life is worth living. Although I have written, but I do not believe in it. It sounds as if you are the meaningless sense or are just trying desperately. Developed as a consolation of imaginary words into a mockery and ridicule. I can only say one thing for sure, life is a strange thing. There are many explanations, yet they are able to satisfy me, because they lack depth. The answers to be found in the statements themselves rather than to accept the world. A plea to one's mind over all else, the other to disappear by itself simply as to declare worthless and of itself. Perhaps you will also have a place where no answers satisfied, but maybe this daring attempt succeeds. I am well aware that books play a big role this is, not only is a simple copy, but a process.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-04-28T13: 44:00

It seems a bit strange, the final departure from the company public in this form and in the middle of this to take place. On the other hand, means to strive against the mass, is still reside in it and only a mentally trodden new path could lead out of it. In a metaphorical sense to form its own electricity, rather than just to swim against the current. A new way of striving to nothing with the hypocritical nature of the mass against the mass, has to do. To the position of an observer to withdraw and create a look teleoskopischen a distance which makes one of the saw and experienced things absolutely unaffected. It is more than an appeal to emotion, but the way in a new era. Where does this road I can not say, because neither the length is defined, nor has a fixed target.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-04-22T21: 53:00

Would it be worth a book, work or ideas to create journal? Anyway, as I call it, it probably makes sense at least a few thoughts would write down in order to be more aware of certain events. Even if I'd read countless books, it would be pointless if I'm not grappling with these intense and read once more reflective for me. The value added would increase at the same ratio as the degree of reflection of the book. - At least I assume so at this time. Only the transcript, leading to a consolidation of thoughts and allows a revision or even a reversion.

dignity to put this here's to the media made? Would the departure of the electronic medium and the move to a more classic form is necessary to achieve his goal to be able to? A middle ground seems to me the most sense, which provides a part here, to publish and write the other only for himself and kept in the drawer.

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waldgaenger @ 2008-04-18T08: 38:00

Since the last entry, nothing substantial has changed. Although the situation has improved in some areas, it was only natural that it has deteriorated in other areas. In the end stands have everything back on and things are still an almost unbearable slope. I really do not know why I write an entry anyway, so maybe I do not quite fall silent or unconsciously because I try to fight it? It could find many reasons, but tells me not to really.

I have long wondered whether I should undertake a revision of the previous entry. I decided against it, but I take up the idea again. Whether the words were sharply in the previous post, I can not say, but I believe that my (former?) Feelings have described quite appropriately. I need to be aware that I am destined to become a bankrupt and failed existence and I have taken this route already. To call this fact not only awareness, but also to accept, probably, a life's work, with its uncertain outcome. Can I find it to award a "failed existence" in order to embody this company? I take a derogatory term of the mass man for me, which I made clear I am not an integrated part of the company and convert it into an elite award. The fact an elitist, almost certainly an amoral, thinking and possibly also formed action is a necessary and logical conclusion for me. Since I am not able see to formulate this idea to my satisfaction, I resort to a quotation.

"Every individual, if he only has himself destroyed the society chooses, may immediately proceed to enforce this destruction and the outer component of society, inasmuch as he is not at all, despised himself in this form still with her leave, because he prefers, in the distance, in a natural landscape as perpetrators or in the hermetic isolation of a large city room to give as a thinker and dreamer to his will the rank of an absolute authority "

By Ernst Jünger from" The Adventurous Heart -. First version - Records by day and night "- page 141 and following

Of course it is dangerous to use a quote and respond by the risk of (un) conscious misrepresentation. However, I can draw my benefit and I therefore create an attitude that wins through regular self-reflection in quality.

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Today everyone is crazy?

Only the doctors, now my grandma oO
you just came up, sat down and said: "We need to talk"
"About what?"
"Say, boy, you're so often with so Ramona, Ramona is as nothing to you?"
"She's a friend ...."
"Yes, but you do not do anything with it?"
"Even if I would do, Rami would cut me to pieces"
"Why, you like the not?"
"I hope, dss she likes me, but I doubt it, but sometimes very strongly that this kind of like it is"
"So it is not you?"
"Nope oO I do not think the * STHT seeking out something more to this picture *"
"on girls?"
"Jooo that also .. but this is not a girl OO"
"But you also love not boys, right?"
"Grandma? Although I am of the opinion that if one loves whom, it is no matter of what gender the person is, but no .. oO"
"AHSO, then well and good, why are you so in Japan? * for the note, it has hellish fear that I'm moving to Japan)
"No Ahnug .. interessieert me? "
" Well, is it all right "Then she disappears
to have said, without another word

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My visit to the doctor

oO This morning around 8:30, my alarm clock geklinget, I by 10 clock an appointment with the honorable Mr. orthopaedists had.

When I finally at the hospital, where his practice was finally arrived and a parking space, had been found on at this time too crowded parking lot, I Begag me there and was even 10 minutes before the time there.
front I was first around a while and waited until the assistant had her very important conversation from which I word fragments, such as carnival, celebrate, drink, and I snapped this evening ends meet.
After a "certain" time, she finally asked me why I was here and after I explained it was her, she told me to go to me in the X-ray meeting room. This conference room turned out to be ultimately a kind of broom closet, hanging on the walls strange pictures sad clown. Ichfragte me seriously if I had not landed in any mental hospital.
was beaten by 3.6 million ms (or hour) of waiting and some through the narrow room Klqustrophobischen caused seizures, which were reinforced by the confused, sad clowns, the venerable men's doctor greeted me, asked what do you mean and sent me to this 30-second conversation in the first Floor. So now why I had waited a whole hour?
Well, I thought it could be worse .... Me and my big It was worse -.- flap.
I had in the Department of Diagnostic Radiology. Once there I made me wait at the registration desk and had to re reinmal until the lovely 3 older ladies had finished their gossip talks. When the other two ladies finally left the switch turned to the nice old lady, my back, and continued her work until she had me at last due to a "severe cough attack" on my part bemekrt. I gave her the certificate, which I have previously received an orthopedist and fargte me for my insurance card when the phone rang. She went, of course, turn promptly and started a conversation probably with a slightly deranged Lord and tried their multitasking skills to the test when they took my insurance card from his hand and asked for my phone number which I called her as well. and you see, after 3 Start she managed to actually write down my number right and I was then asked to "back there" to take place. I went immediately and a bit annoyed by "over there" and sat down, and I had to listen from an old lady with a much older mother talking about severe back pain. As if this were not enough, claimed another very young lady sitting already for 3 hours here and waiting to finally turn to come.
a while I sat there until a familiar face appeared, it was a friend from my table tennis club. Accordingly, the time passed a bit faster until I was called. From the very BMI heavy doctor ordered Wurd emir "car 1, take off everything except the pants"
Oh great, really great, hopefully the old lady from before, which should free up her upper body still in there, shuddered me.
When I had taken off me, the door opened and the already above-mentioned doctor gave me a very strange looking device, and only said gruffly: "Genodenschutz. I personally called there: Take the boy to the girl, or playing in pain. It was just untenrum turn clamped. Then pants over it and go back to the X-ray. Each would have been proud macho Supervisory Office so wat big in the pants to ham. The device is clamped between the legs, so it's not too much summary of my limbs, I sat down to "the chair" which one had acquired seemingly at Ikea and actually serve as a bedside table for an alarm clock, vielleciht additionally a glass of sufficient water, should . Then came the "boss" in and I immediately blacked out ...
He was slightly taller, wearing a (yes, this I must admit) very stylish glasses, looking not so bad on the whole from, but told me his way of walking, or moving to something with it, so we say, was "different".
I should now my hand on the table before me and did so immediately, but unfortunately, the honorable chief not satisfied with the way they lay there for several minutes and fumbled around with my hand until it finally "correct" was . Accordingly, just as I had slapped on the table, maybe an inch offside a little more clear. My sense told me that he only wanted to touch my hand, or had any certain adneren complex.
After this was done, I should put my hand on the table edge and the whole game started all over again.
When I was finished and it went immediately to the spinal X-ray. "Think of your back against the wall, but be careful, it could be cold. Ahihihihuhuhu" leave
Without comment, I followed this command and he immediately came up to me, measured how high my hip (he had pinch me to the pages?) to set the device, then he sent me, gave me the x-rays and I made mic hauf the way to the orthopedist. There was now a quite competent assistant, to me zukleffte the words "with pictures" and "waiting room".
met at the smallest room I dannn my friend from the table tennis again. (Here with the smallest room is the waiting room meant you will find out why) Even as I entered the waiting room, I wrapped an aura of Scchmerz, despair, and unfounded hatred! I sat next to friend and said softly trying to start a conversation when I noticed that the aura grew stronger and stronger in the room. Had looks could kill, I would have died in 1000 death. My friend replied softly, but then fell silent, just as I made frantic fear, the real evil-eyed, but also drooling grandma. I did not consider it necessary to inform them of their lost body fluids, since I did have the pleasure yet to live.
After a further 1.8 million ms of the seated silence and fear of death, I was called unexpectedly. Why it went so fast for? I followed the nice clerk who brought me into a large room and asked me I had to sit down. After another 30 minutes I realized why they verfrachteten me in this room, you were obviously in my anxiety with their grandmother and their hatred of me noticed and brought me to safety (or all?). Finally, the doctor came back from before, did pretty professional, sat down without saying a word, his eyes fixed on the wall, took the X-rays and looked at her in silence. As his "I type everything from what you say assistant came, he threw a few technical terms around and ordered me to undress to their underwear. So again .... I did it and got me down on the bench and he began to rumzuhauen on me, and he asked after every shot, whether it hurts me somewhere. It seemed to occur infinitely long and I thought he would need just a satisfaction of his self-confidence and finally said, I just pull on the site of a light had felt, as had knocked out. As if this was a command he immediately stopped, spat out a few other terms that Mrs. "I mucilages me" immediately, with some, as I saw the doctor and Rechtscreibfehlern told me I could get dressed again that's it, I would not .....
a result can be said that today I had a lot of fun tomorrow * cough * and now lie on my bed and I'm scared about how it should first go to the survey.

This text is based on a few hyperbole (exaggeration), corresponds by and large, but the truth.

Rami, you have to come today .. I do not cope all T________T